Montreal

I had to go to Montreal for work last week.

Although I've been tired lately, possibly due to my low iron and b-12, I have been waiting for this training for a long time.

It was a really great week, I got to see some old friends, meet some new ones and experience big city life for a little while :)

I missed the kids a lot, and I'm sure they missed me.

By Wednesday I was so tired I could hardly leave the hotel at night lol possibly because I was coming down with a cold that was circulating my coworkers over the week. By Thursday night I was officially sick, and Friday was horrible.

If I hadn't have checked out of my room I would have called in sick, but I was officially homeless and had no where to go but work.

Needless to say a pile of drugs got me throught the day and on the flight home. I officially slept for 2 days and I'm finally feeling better today, 5 days later, but I'm still really tired. I have found that in order to make it through the day I have to take 2x my iron and b-12 pills.

Hopefully I'll get my energy back soon :)

CT scan #2

Looks like something from the Star Ship Enterprise doesn't it?

For those of you who have never had a CT scan before it is very uneventful. It doesn't hurt, it moves a little and takes no time at all.

The prep however is hard. I had to drink a wonderful barium solution- 4 cups of gross substance, 1 cup every half hour 2 hours before your scan.

I was all prepared- I mixed my solution the night before, divided into 4 plastic bottles I could bring with me and set the timer on my phone.

I was not prepared for the taste- it seemed harmless at first but by drink #4 I wanted to puke :/

 

I was also not happy about being naked with only 2 Johnny shirts on my socks, in a cold public waiting room.

But once I was in it went fairly fast, I was also given an IV with a dye, asked to hold the bar over my head and zipped in and out of the machine like a pro.

Now all we do is wait for the results.

Don't panic! It's just cancer!

So, now what? How do I tell people?

I debated on doing something like this -

But that may not be the best idea. 

So I called my parents, and eventually told everyone. It's not easy, it feels a bit like you're disapointing people, even though it's not your fault.

What I wanted to avoid was secrecy. I want everything out in the open, this is life, it happens it sucks - let's deal with it together.

Schrödinger opens his box

On December 22nd, I went in to meet dr. Robichaud for the results of my biopsy.

I was told that they had found grade1-2 follicular lymphoma (non - Hodgkins). He gave me a little bit of information, mostly that it is easy to treat and sometimes requires no treatment at all.

He wrote it down for me so I could look it up, and advised me I'd have another scan to see if the lymphoma was in other parts of my body, before seeing an oncologist..

There is loads of information about follicular lymphoma online, I have added some links below for those looking for more information, much better than me parephrasing it all :))

lymphoma research fondation

Canadian cancer society

NHL Cyber Family

Biopsy #2

The second biopsy was relatively easy.

I think the thought of having someone slice open your neck while you're awake is worst than the actual price due.

Dr. Robichaud did an amazing job, it took about 30 minutes was painless and all we did was chat the whole time.

The intern, Isabelle, held my hand and made me feel comfortable.

It was so easy I even went to Costco after!!

THE WORST PART- ripping off the band aid after 5 days!!!

ENT

My GP then referred me to the next step- an ENT. She knew I was anxious about the possibility of cancer and that my emotions were fragile. She decided to refer me to dr. Robichaud and she put a "rush" on it so to speak to help me get answers quickly.

When I met with dr. Robichaud he was very kind, he explained everything clearly and took a biopsy of my lymph node using a rather large looking needle. (Yes he sucked fluid out of my neck, :/) he also cut a couple of spots off my tonsils to check for anything. He mentioned that he may want to remove my tonsils but he would see what the results said. He advised me his secretary would make an appointment for me in 2 weeks to return. (His secretary was very nice and professional and punctual, I was impressed)

When I returned, I was nervous, I thought someone would finally open the box. But the results were incoclusive.

At this point he gave me a couple options- the chances of it being cancer were very unlikely, we could watch and wait - or have a biopsy which would involve a minor surgery where he would remove a piece of the lymph node or further testing.

He seemed to be asking me what I wanted to do, but he was also leaning towards the biopsy and I agreed.

We agreed on the biopsy which would happen the following week- and a results appointment 2 weeks after that (which brought us into the week of Christmas)

In the begining, there was a lump...

In the begging- there was a lump.

So in the winter of 2013/2014 I first felt a lump in the back of my neck, one of my lymph nodes was swollen. It wasn't very big and after seeing my doctor she told me not to worry, I was probably fighting and infection and if it got bigger or was still there in 8 months to return to see her.

It was probably my fault that I didn't return when I felt the second lump, I just didn't want to bother her, and honestly bother myself with another useless appointment.

The thing is the second lump was bigger, and it worried me. By September  it was still there and I figured it was long enough I made an appointment to see my GP.

Let me point out here that my GP is amazing. She explained that at my age the likelihood of finding lymphoma was low, she was going to do all the tests just to make sure.

Starting with a blood test and an ultrasound of the mass.

My blood tests returned fine, other than the fact that my iron and b-12 is low. This is common after having a baby (explains my cravings for dirt while I was pregnant!)

The ultrasound showed that my lymph node was 2.2cm. Generally health care professionals do now want to see it bigger than 1.5. So at this point my GP sent me for a CT scan and referred me to a ENT specialist.

My anxiety at this point was high, I was scared of the unknown, I wasn't sleeping well and I was easily brought to tears.

It's hard not knowing what you're dealing with, was I going to die next week? Was it all just some stupid infection? Google doesn't help much at this point.....

During this whole process I truly felt like Schrödinger's cat - I both had cancer and did not all at the same
Time. I just wanted someone to open the damned box!

So what cat I say about CT scan #1, it was very easy and localized so not very long. I was surprised by the tech. He was about my age, normal looking, he was very soft and kind. When takings arm and inserting the Iv he was very gentle. He asked me "so why are we doing this today" and I explained why, how long I had the lump etc. he seemed to go quiet after that. I think it surprises people when someone of my age (and their age) comes face to face with this reality. The ultrasound tech had a similar reaction when I explained it to her.

I kind of knew from their reactions that this wasn't something they encountered everyday.

Next step was seeing the ENT.

2014 - what's supposed to happen, and what really happens

2014 was supposed to be my year, the year I got that promotion I was after, the year I lost all the baby weight, the year we sold our house and moved closer to the city.

But as a friend and colleague once told me "life doesn't always turn out the way we planned"

On December 22nd 2014 I hadn't gotten that promotion, I hadn't lost the baby weight, we hadn't sold our house or moved, and I was told that day that at the age of 33, I had cancer.

It's obvious life is throwing me a curve ball - "get your priorities straight" is the message here.

This blog is about my journey through cancer, re-setting my priorities and of course to give updates to my friends and family on what's going on. I'll try to be funny,
Not to mellow dramatic but mostly honest about what's happening and how I feel.